What is it about kinky desire? I certainly have it and have played with many people who enjoy this kind of sexuality. There’s all sorts of BDSM play – spanking, rope bondage, flogging, caning, feminization and on and on. Of course, not every kink is for every person. It’s beautifully amazing, however, to see how much people reveal to me about their kinky desires if just given the room to feel safe in their disclosures. I don’t take these admittances for granted. Actually it’s quite the opposite: to those who share with me their kinkiest secrets, I am thankful and feel honored. I know it’s not always an easy thing to do and I appreciate those who do enough self-inquiry to be able to name what it is that they want. Furthermore, being in the presence of someone who can politely request and wholeheartedly receive is an awesome space.
At the recent Lusty Lady holiday party I had the privilege of experiencing my first rope suspension with Dan of the Two Knotty Boys. Holy hell, it was a lot more intense than I thought it would be. I’ve experienced rope bondage before, which is intense enough, but had never been suspended. It was painful, it was pleasurable and seriously sensual. Dan was attentive to my physical and mental state & responded quickly when I reached my limit…not to mention that he created an exquisite rope design on my body! It was an experience that I was glad I had. The night proceeded to get kinkier and kinkier with my fellow Lusty Ladies and guests, which was fabulous. My love to consensually dominate took over & I’ll just say that it got very hot in that club.
Which leads me back to my original musing: from what place do these kinky proclivities arise? I cannot answer that question for anyone but myself and truly, I feel that I am still exploring it. Of course, there exists in humans the capacity for pleasurably intense physical sensations. Beyond that, I’ve pondered historical non-consensual power play & wonder about the potential for power reclamation through kink. Our human history is not exclusively progressive and happy – it’s also filled with pain, sorrow and abuses. How can we not have that complex past embedded in our collective psyche, to say nothing of the current state of the world and on an individual level, the current state of each of our lives? It is a brave choice to jump into this human experience.
My practice of BDSM, exploring both dominant and submissive roles, has brought me to some powerful places that oftentimes, quite frankly, feel transcendent. In the midst of an intense kink scene there is no room for the existence of anything other than me, my partner(s), our histories, our desires and the tasks at hand: to feel, risk, ask, receive and live. And to that, I would also add the task of dying. The French metaphorically describe orgasms as “la petite mort” (the little death) and I believe the same sentiment can apply to a well-negotiated and well-played kink scene; gone are the initial worries, the menial trials of the day and opened are the spirits, the bodies and the minds. Fears can be surpassed and new conceptual spaces can unfold from the most tucked away corners of existence.
During a talk I attended last year by Cléo Dubois, I was introduced to the the idea of BDSM play as a form of ritual. I loved that thought and have drawn upon it many times. Whether intentionally or haphazardly engaged, we are all experiencing many types of rituals everyday. It is with great reverence and joy that I choose to experience the ritual of kink play. For it’s eroticism, for it’s transcendent potential, for it’s pleasure, for it’s pain and for the journey I can take in the presence of kink, I will continue to enact these rituals. And of course, being a supportive pervert, I will continue to welcome those who desire the firm touch of my paddle. With every smack on the ass, I will (quietly) cheer my submissives on in their journey of authentic deviance.