Session Music: Goldfrapp

One of my favorite things is the way music can bring inspiration to sessions. It can play such an important part in a successful play scene, don’t you think? The wrong music, something too contradictory, can kill a scene. But the right kind, one in harmony with the energy or even instigating through its melody, can help make for a truly memorable time.

This evening I’m listening to Goldfrapp’s Felt Mountain. It’s one of my very favorite albums. I love how trippy, sparkly and sultry it is. It brings to mind a fantasy that would go a little something like this:

I’ll ease you in with heavy tease and denial, my feminine curves taunting you, my soft skin serenading you and the light scent of my perfume confusing your will into submission. Before you know it you’re on your knees. Your body quivers as you feel my breath on your skin. My brown eyes stare into yours and I see into to the depths of you. There’s no use in fighting it. You start to go down with the obedience of a trusting child. This, of course, is just the beginning.

I move you into light corporal punishment, though slow at first so that I can savor your flesh beneath me. You’re warm to the touch as blood races through your veins, excited by the nearness of me. You are my prized possession. Rhythmically I build you into an arc of sensuous pain; the sting of my hand on your bare ass a divine caress. Each time I make contact with your body, you find yourself wanting more. And more, and more.

And then…

Well, I don’t tell all of my secrets. But be assured, my sweet, that you’ll find yourself in a most decadent space – deep, floaty and transcendent. Come let me feast on you. Your body and my Dominance will merge into an orchestra of the senses.


Mistress Lexi

She's on Mission

As a former evangelical Christian, I remember the days of feeling deeply concerned for people who were unsaved – especially those who were in direct opposition to God’s word. This remembrance came up for me when I read this article on about a lesbian couple who, while recently dining at a restaurant in North Carolina, received a handwritten letter from the restaurant owner asking them to reevaluate their lives. Amongst his many warnings, the owner wrote that being homosexual was against God’s will and that their lifestyle was hurting everyone around them (which he said he knew about firsthand since his daughter was gay).

This story reminded me so much of my youth. Being a saved Christian teenager while attending a secular high school wasn’t the easiest of tasks. Growing up is hard enough with school, family responsibilities, part-time jobs, hormonal changes and college considerations…let alone lobbying for a holy entity who threatens to send you to eternal damnation unless you pledge allegiance to his son. But that was my life then, invisible chastity belt and all, and I felt a sense of honor and duty to tell people about God’s word.

I wonder if the owner of that restaurant can relate. Perhaps not to the teenage part of my story, but to the fervency with which one of great faith may feel compelled to convey Biblical truths. I can’t call his letter crazy, or even judgmental, really. He felt it was his call to duty, his responsibility to his creator, his savior and the salvation of his fellow humankind. I actually get that. And I remember it well.

If I could have a conversation with this man, I’d tell him that. That I get why he wrote that letter. I understand why his heart felt so full that he had to communicate this message to complete strangers.

But I’d also let him know that no matter what God-inspired words are written in any holy text, some of us know what it feels like to be in direct opposition to those words, merely by existing. Not even through deed have we gone against the ways of the Word, but through mere existence do we contradict the great message.

During the beginning of my coming out process, I attended some co-ed LGBT support groups. I remember, so vividly, one young man who was shaking from his very core as he spoke to us. He talked about being gay and how terrified he was to come out to himself and then to his family. I sat in silence, in compassion and in familiarity, while witnessing his truth.

At a certain point in my own coming out process, my teenage desire to be a missionary resurfaced.

It was a wild and strange self-reconciling that I went through to go from being a religious faith warrior to a sex explorer, performer and educator. I’ve stripped away layers and layers of teachings from my former faith, my culture and my family so that I could touch what I knew was authentically mine. My mission to empower others in finding their own truth is one that I take on with the same fervor and honor I possessed in my youth. Indeed, in some surprising ways, my path now is not so different from my days in the church.

Tight Rope and Hard Spankings

What is it about kinky desire? I certainly have it and have played with many people who enjoy this kind of sexuality. There’s all sorts of BDSM play – spanking, rope bondage, flogging, caning, feminization and on and on. Of course, not every kink is for every person. It’s beautifully amazing, however, to see how much people reveal to me about their kinky desires if just given the room to feel safe in their disclosures. I don’t take these admittances for granted. Actually it’s quite the opposite: to those who share with me their kinkiest secrets, I am thankful and feel honored.  I know it’s not always an easy thing to do and I appreciate those who do enough self-inquiry to be able to name what it is that they want. Furthermore, being in the presence of someone who can politely request and wholeheartedly receive is an awesome space.

At the recent Lusty Lady holiday party I had the privilege of experiencing my first rope suspension with Dan of the Two Knotty Boys. Holy hell, it was a lot more intense than I thought it would be. I’ve experienced rope bondage before, which is intense enough, but had never been suspended. It was painful, it was pleasurable and seriously sensual. Dan was attentive to my physical and mental state & responded quickly when I reached my limit…not to mention that he created an exquisite rope design on my body! It was an experience that I was glad I had. The night proceeded to get kinkier and kinkier with my fellow Lusty Ladies and guests, which was fabulous. My love to consensually dominate took over & I’ll just say that it got very hot in that club.

Which leads me back to my original musing: from what place do these kinky proclivities arise? I cannot answer that question for anyone but myself and truly, I feel that I am still exploring it. Of course, there exists in humans the capacity for pleasurably intense physical sensations. Beyond that, I’ve pondered historical non-consensual power play & wonder about the potential for power reclamation through kink. Our human history is not exclusively progressive and happy – it’s also filled with pain, sorrow and abuses. How can we not have that complex past embedded in our collective psyche, to say nothing of the current state of the world and on an individual level, the current state of each of our lives? It is a brave choice to jump into this human experience.

My practice of BDSM, exploring both dominant and submissive roles, has brought me to some powerful places that oftentimes, quite frankly, feel transcendent. In the midst of an intense kink scene there is no room for the existence of anything other than me, my partner(s), our histories, our desires and the tasks at hand: to feel, risk, ask, receive and live. And to that, I would also add the task of dying. The French metaphorically describe orgasms as “la petite mort” (the little death) and I believe the same sentiment can apply to a well-negotiated and well-played kink scene; gone are the initial worries, the menial trials of the day and opened are the spirits, the bodies and the minds. Fears can be surpassed and new conceptual spaces can unfold from the most tucked away corners of existence.

During a talk I attended last year by Cléo Dubois, I was introduced to the the idea of BDSM play as a form of ritual. I loved that thought and have drawn upon it many times. Whether intentionally or haphazardly engaged, we are all experiencing many types of rituals everyday. It is with great reverence and joy that I choose to experience the ritual of kink play. For it’s eroticism, for it’s transcendent potential, for it’s pleasure, for it’s pain and for the journey I can take in the presence of kink, I will continue to enact these rituals. And of course, being a supportive pervert, I will continue to welcome those who desire the firm touch of my paddle. With every smack on the ass, I will (quietly) cheer my submissives on in their journey of authentic deviance.